Manzanita (aka “Monkey”)
The Resting‑Bitch‑Faced Matriarch and Notorious Thief
Monkey is a nine-year-old dramatic, opinionated tabby and the undisputed matriarch of the Wellness Whiskers Silverballs household and Daddy’s little princess. Known for stealing wallets, cash, cigarettes, hair ties, and anything else not nailed down.
If Mr. T is the Alpha, Monkey is the matriarch. The one who runs the household with a perfectly arched eyebrow and a face that says she’s judging everyone in the room. At nine years old, she has fully embraced her role as the ornery, opinionated queen who believes the world was perfect before the younger cats arrived. And honestly? She might be right.
Personality
- Resting bitch face, active opinions. Monkey has thoughts, and she will share them — loudly, silently, or with a single withering glance.
- Daddy’s Princess. In her mind, my husband exists solely to adore her. ( For the first 6 years she lived at the house, I was the other woman sentenced to be scorned at every turn.)
- Unimpressed by change. The kittens? A personal insult. A disruption. A tragedy. (This birthed a change in allegiance. My husband was fired by Monkey and I was deemed an okay replacement)
- Selective sweetness. If she accepts you, you’ll know — and you’ll feel honored.
Her Life of Crime
Monkey is a notorious thief. Not casual, not accidental — notorious.
Her known heists include:
- Wallets
- Cash
- Cigarettes
- Hair ties
- Stuffed animals
- Screws
- Keychains
- Slippers
- And whatever else she decides is hers that day
If it’s not nailed down, Monkey has probably dragged it under a bed or couch, into a corner, or into her secret stash spot like a tiny, furry raccoon with better eyeliner.
Her Soft Side (Yes, She Has One)
Once you earn her trust — which is a process, not a guarantee — Monkey becomes the sweetest creature alive.
She loves:
- Snuggling under the covers like a warm, purring teddy bear
- Churu treats (her one true weakness)
- Forehead kisses, which she pretends she doesn’t like but absolutely melts for
Her Role in the Cat Crew
Monkey is the enforcer, the judge, the keeper of order, and the one who ensures everyone knows their place. She challenges the kittens, side‑eyes Willow’s optimism, and keeps Mr. T on his toes. She’s dramatic, demanding, and deeply devoted — a queen in every sense.
Meet the Cats of Wellness Whiskers Silverballs
Mr T → link
Monkey → current page
Willow → link
Xena → link
Gabby → link